It was only after a couple DUIs, nights in county, multiple episodes of psychosis, and the inkling of a cirrhotic liver that I knew I had a problem with alcohol.
My off-switch soon went from glitchy to frayed. What had once been liquor-induced charisma — and daresay charm — withered into incoherence and hostility. As F Scott Fitzgerald once said: “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” Such was my case.
I won’t bore you with the rest of the details, but eventually I had to confront my only two options: a) live the awkward and overwhelming life of a chronic depressive, or b) keep drinking. I went with option a, and fair to say it’s objectively better.
What transpired during that week of sweating out my poisons were some exquisitely horrific discoveries about quitting booze. Namely, that your mind and body are thrown into a jittery, feverish episode.
I don’t mean to be so alarmist. The really bad symptoms last, at most, a few days. But knowing what to expect beforehand — and how to manage the symptoms — can make coping with them that much easier.
And the experience might just be the deterrent you need to prevent a future relapse. Here are 5 things most people don’t know about quitting long-term drinking.
1. The Brain Goes Haywire
I’m not going on much of a limb when I say, the human brain is complex. You’ve got nearly 100 billion neurons, which are connected by trillions of synapses that make pretty much everything happen. Disrupt this byzantine latticework of connectivity and things go awry.
A healthy brain maintains chemical balance through “excitatory” and “inhibitory” neurotransmitters. Alcohol boosts the effects of “inhibitory” neurotransmitters, thus dulling the brain’s excitability.
Prolonged alcohol consumption results in the brain generating fewer “inhibitory” transmitters. That’s when you’ve developed a “high tolerance.” Take alcohol away and the “excitatory” processes amok.
To put it another way, your body has gotten so used to alcohol that it thinks it’s a normal fluid. Without it, the sensation isn’t unlike starvation. Your body goes into panic-mode and soon normal systems become acutely agitated — like sleep and the dreams therein.
2. Hyperreal Nightmares
It’s like a demon has hijacked your cerebral cortex and forced you to watch a slideshow of its demented vacation reel. Or that scene in A Clockwork Orange where Alex undergoes cinematic aversion therapy.
What ensues are some of the most dreadful, frequent, and superreal images flashing across the undersides of your eyelids that you will ever see. I’ve met alcoholics who served in Afghanistan and said that this part of recovery was in many ways more harrowing.
Later down the line, it’s also common to have recurring dreams of falling off the wagon. In the dream you might apologize to really pissed-off friends and family members for being a total shitbag. Or you simply find yourself sipping a beer without realizing it, before you exclaim: “Wait! What the fuck am I doing?!”
Nightmares about slipping up can leave a bad taste in your mouth, but they can also be a blessing. I’ve woken up countless times thinking: “Thank God that was just a dream.”
3. Feeling Bugs Crawl On You
At least that’s what it feels like.
While those “excitatory” neurotransmitters run helter-skelter and your central nervous system undergoes severe identity crisis, you may experience pins and needles or the prickle of tiny insects traipsing across your neck and arms. Muscles you never knew you had might twitch and create the impression of worms crawling under your skin.
Medically this is called “formication” — a tactile hallucination. (Not to be confused, of course, with fornication, though it may feel like that’s what life’s doing to you at the moment).
Formication is typically associated with various forms of drug abuse, one of which is extreme alcohol withdrawal. Unnerving, yes. But there is a way — at least that I’ve found — to alleviate symptoms.
The reason why you’re having muscle spasms and tingly insectoid hallucinations could be partly attributed to dehydration. In effect, you’re having a really bad hangover ... like, the worst hangover you’ve ever had.
And what is the evergreen antidote for hangovers? Gatorade and soup. Both can help replace all of the salt and potassium you lose from liquor.
I recall slogging across Manhattan one summer afternoon in the throes of such an episode. I was getting some documents notarized for my lawyer who was representing me in a second DUI case (Oh, how it all comes full circle).
On belting that Fruit Punch Gatorade purchased at some dingy liquor store in the Lower East Side, I did notice the disturbing sensations start to abate.
Placebo? Maybe. Effective? It was at the time.
4. It Can Be Deadly
I mentioned at the beginning that the the biggest hurdle tends to last only a few days. It’s within this window of time the onset of delirium tremens may set in.
Delirium tremens runs the gamut of mental confusion, shakiness, a spiked heart rate, hallucinations (this happened to me several times), and soaring body temperatures that can cause seizures.
Of all the drugs — illicit or otherwise — alcohol is one of the few that can kill you if you quit cold turkey. That’s why it’s strongly advised you have medical supervision if you’re giving up long-term drinking.
To find a local detox center, consider checking out detoxlocal.com, where you can search for facilities by map, zip code, or state.
How did I go about quitting, you ask? I didn’t quit drinking cold-turkey but also not under medical supervision, per se. I tapered off with beer under the invigilation of my girlfriend at the time.
We scheduled how much beer I would imbibe each day for a week, and at what frequency. I only had access to beer when she was around, and I gave her my wallet so that I couldn’t go out and get faded while she was at work.
Doing it this way of course can be very risky, as it’s way too easy to abuse the system. Not to mention, withdrawal symptoms can slip quickly from mild to severe. By no means do I recommend the tapering method. Whatever you do, though, don’t go it alone.
5. You’ll Develop A Sweet Tooth
I’ve heard this question many times: “Will I lose weight if I stop drinking?” The answer: It all depends ... do you like sugar?
Ever since I got sick from eating too much Halloween candy when I was eight-years old, my proclivity for sweets was all but vanquished. That changed after quitting drinking.
A few weeks into my sobriety, my doctor asked me if I had a yearning for sugar, as I thumbed the next Twix bar in my pocket. I thought it would be a short-lived phase, but to this day, each time I see a serving of cheesecake or a box of donuts, I become giddy with pavlovian salivation.
Look at it this way: sugar increases dopamine levels in the brain. So too is it released when an alcoholic drinks. Dopamine is often referred to as the “reward chemical,” manifesting in pleasurable feelings. Sugar can thus mimic the effects of alcohol in a profound way. Also, liquor is loaded with sugar, and upping your saccharine intake helps compensate for that loss.
In fact, according to research from the Food Dependency Recovery Services, sugar addicts have the same D2 dopamine receptor as alcoholics and drug addicts. Further, PET and CAT scans of food addicts, druggies, and alkies looked nearly identical.
A Vice for a Vice. A vice for a gift.
Substitution of alcohol and drugs is all too common in recovery — whether it’s food, sex, cigarettes, gambling, exercise, religion, or model train sets. Go to any AA meeting and you’ll catch a whiff of cigarette smoke and taurine emissions from many a cracked-open energy drink. Not to mention, a bevy of donuts and muffins.
Addiction is chronic. It’s a gift and a curse. Many addicts are remarkably industrious and have tremendous work output. Some in recovery take on a new vice that’s just as debilitating as their old one.
Addiction is estranged from mediocrity. It’s conniving, but so is it often tethered to an empathic disposition. We feel too much and so we drink or get high. It’s less a contradiction than a paradox. That addictive energy isn’t gonna go away, but you can be cognizant of it.
That way all the unyielding energy can be fine-tuned and harnessed. Yours truly is still working on it.